Sometimes seasons in life are hard. I think what makes them hard, is when we buck against God’s will and try to twist and turn our way out of a situation.
I am not happy in my current job situation. I love my calling in life, I love the people I work with, but the floor is a chaotic circus most days. Nursing is hard, duh. You work hard the minute you step on the floor. You may not get a break, you may have lunch at 4:30, and you may not have used the restroom the whole day. You may have 3 out of 5 confused patients at a time or you may have 3 out of 5 patients who are incontinent, which means they aren’t able to control their bladder or bowl movements, or you may have 5 new orders that need done now, but at that moment you have a direct admission that just arrived to your floor and you have labs, IV starts, medication history, papers to sign, medical history, oh, and in the middle of all of that, transportation comes to take them away for a test that may take awhile and now your admission draws out longer than it should and you end up staying late because you just ran out of time to finish. OR your nurse aides aren’t willing to help you and you are alone, but you can’t find help because the other nurses are swamped just like you are and you are alone.
Most days I don’t even know which way is up. Most days I give up before an hour even goes by.
I have been battling. I am not able to sleep anymore, I have anxiety that effects everything; physically, emotionally, mentally, and I am looking for ways to “fix” me. I have tried every natural sleeping aid product and then every OTC product and even was placed on an anti-depressant because I just don’t know what to do.
This past weekend, I snapped. One of those moments when other circumstances arose on top of work issues and I hadn’t seen my husband very much and knew it would be a few days before I did see him.
And. I. Cried. I cried like I never cried before. I wailed with sadness.
I don’t write these intimate details to have someone feel sorry for me, but to bring you forward with me to today.
It is a quiet day today. Beautiful and sunny. I am hopeful and optimistic.
As I was going about my day, these words were spoken to me: “Robyn, when will I be enough?”
I have been striving for the dream job, I have been striving for fellowship with other women and I have been striving to make my marriage better. But I realize I am not including Jesus in any of it. I am not working, loving, or acting like Jesus is enough for me- I am counting on every other earthly thing to be enough for me.
Take a look at Luke 9:10-17, Jesus feeds the five thousand.
“On their return the apostles told Him all that they had done. And He took them and withdrew apart to a town called Bethsaida. When the crowds learned it, they followed Him, and He welcomed them and spoke to them of the kingdom of God and cured those who had need of healing. Now the day began to wear away, and the twelve came and said to Him, ‘Send the crowds away to go into the surrounding villages and countryside to find lodging and get provisions, for we are here in a desolate place.’ But He said to them, ‘You give them something to eat.’ They said, ‘We have no more than five loaves and two fish – unless we are to go and buy food for all these people.’ For there were about five thousand men. And He said to His disciples, ‘Have them sit down in groups of about fifty each.’ And they did so, and had them all sit down. And taking the five loaves and the two fish, He looked up to heaven and He said a blessing over them. Then He broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples to set before the crowd. And they all ate and were satisfied. And what was left over was picked up, twelve baskets of broken pieces.”
Jesus turns to His disciples in verse 13 and He tells them, “You give them something to eat.” The disciples response is, “How? We can’t. We can’t do what You’re asking us to do. We can’t feed all of these people.” But Jesus’ response is, “No problem. I can.” Jesus didn’t ask His disciples to do this because He thought that they were able to do this on their own; He did this to make a point. You see, the disciples recognition of their inability to carry out Jesus’ command is not incidental to Jesus’ reason for asking them to carry out the command. In fact, it’s precisely the point. Jesus wants His disciples to understand that they don’t have what people need, only He does. And they can’t give what people need, only He can.
Each day is a battle, some days will be easier than others. Some days you will be joyful and other days you will have to fight for your joy. Rest with me friends, rest in the truth that Jesus is enough to take you through each day you face. He doesn’t ask you to do it alone, because He knows we can’t. He is the way, the truth, the light, our strength, our foundation, our fortress and it goes on and on. No one else in this world has what we need, only HE does.
John 7:38:
Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.”
